Tuesday, September 11, 2012
This shall officially be the last post in this blog of mine because I've decided to move to a new blog,
upon the arrival of my 21st. Nope, it's not really abandonment because this blog is still very precious to me - seeing that it's my first blog and it contains so many of my memories from 2004 to 2012. But, I feel that it's time to move on- to set aside the memories of my teenage schooling past and move on to recording a journey of life through adulthood. (: I find that meaningful as I see life as a journey of milestones, that will only matter if we choose to make meaning out of them.
But, before I conclude this blog and only come back for reminiscence purposes,
I still need to blog about what I have failed to blog about due to my crazily busy schedule in May, June, July and August. (:
1. My second social work field placement
My second social work field placement was really memorable in the sense that it was challenging but fun. It was so different from my first social work field placement and I feel that I have benefitted greatly from it. From learning more about the community resources out there to having the chance to interact and meet different kinds of clients, the exposure I gained is definitely much more than what I could hope to get , which I am truly thankful for. (: Especially my knowledge about housing issues and social issues- I could really see my improvement and I learnt too, how to practice critical analysis in different ways. I am greatly appreciative of my supervisor, whom initially I felt that I was unable to connect with, but through time and constant interaction, I realised that he was actually a very good person with super intellect, a good heart and an enjoyable sense of humour- somewhat like a father figure to me. He impressed upon me the need to think for the clients, the need to know my boundaries, the need to be financially prudent, the need to start thinking things from a socio-economic perspective and taking a step back to see the broader perspective and last but not least, most importantly, he impressed upon me the need to be open and honest with myself. He is someone that I respect deeply and sincerely hope for more chances in future to learn from him. (:
Of course, not everything about my placement was rosy. There was a period of time where I was super depressed about everything and I even questioned myself about my suitability for social work. It was a time where I felt very inferior , where things were not going my way both in my work and personal life, and there were times when I just felt like crying because of immense pressure that I guess I unknowingly placed on myself. I am thankful for the support that I was given during that period, the people whom I ranted to and confided in and the huge growth spurt that I have see in myself after I have successfully left that period behind. I saw the need to achieve a good work-life balance where I really felt liberated that my whole life was not just about work. I saw the need to stay strong and question my own beliefs and values. I saw the need to start believing in myself more and stop being so hard on myself. I saw the need to be more focused on myself rather than others and I saw, once again, the importance of what I want and not just what I can or cannot. Most importantly, I re-accepted myself where I felt that the issue did not lie with me but rather with my skills and I could still use my character as an asset, as a strength to help those in need. It was a tough period then and I am really thankful that I walked out of it safe and stronger.
Apart from the growth in terms of skills and knowledge as well as my personal self-growth, something that I truly appreciated and am thankful to gain is my friendship with my intern mates, or as we call ourselves, the Pentagoners. 6 of us in that pentagon-shaped room for 10 weeks- the bonds created through the laughter , smiles, food, worries, troubles , happiness and unhappiness that we shared mean greatly to me. I love those girls - how they manage to make me smile and laugh- how carefree and happy I feel around them- how we chiong-ed work together- this precious friendship could probably be one of the greatest gift out of my placement. (: What's more, some of them want to do social work! Woohoo! Haha. In my down times, it was they that helped to brighten up my day through things like making me laugh, calling me omnomnom( i ate freaking alot during placement- it's a wonder that i did not turn overweight >< ) ahaha. And of course, my NUS Social Work placement buddy Shurlene! Haha I really am thankful for her being my placement buddy- a motivation for me to strive harder and do my best for everything because I am really inspired by her perseverance, organized behaviour, skills of interacting with clients, outspokenness and insightfulness. (: Her ability to make me feel comfortable at being who I am and showing what I feel around her really made me more at ease and the moments we shared such as at the canteen and stuff are definitely really memorable times. :D So, I'm grateful for all these! <3 b="b">3>
I am pleased with my second social work field placement. Although I don't know how well/badly that I will do, upon seeing my supervisor's appraisal, I feel pretty happy about myself already because I honestly expected myself to do more badly that what I actually did. (; I feel more equipped and ready to be a better social worker.
2. My 21st concept
8th September 2012- I will be spending my 21st overseas!
Whether that is a good thing or bad thing, during when I was still in Singapore,
I really didn't know.
I was really tempted to organize a pre-birthday party because I felt that that moment
of having people in the past 21 years of your life come together and sing "Happy Birthday" song for you is really priceless. (: But, thankfully, I did not organize the party, largely because I simply had no extra time, money and effort to organize this party. I was busy with my placement, placement assignment and then my trip to Vietnam and then the preparation to go for exchange practically left me drained plus considering the fact that exchange was going to drain my money big time, I did not want to spend so much money for my birthday. What's more, I always find it difficult to think of who to invite to my party because my closer friends are those that I meet one-one and it is just not my character to leave out people for these kind of events, where if I invite people, I must invite them in a group- which then would make me incur further costs. HAHA.
Also, I had this revelation where I wanted my 21st to be unique to myself, to be something special that symbolized me. And that was when I came up with my birthday present concept. I asked significant people in my life to help me write a note stating at least one most significant or memmorable memory that I had with them or they had of me. Then I would develop photos of me and them. So, my end product would be an album with photos and memories of my past 21 years and these photos and memories would only be limited to those that mattered so much in my past 21 years that I would want them to be in the rest of my life. (: And I was truly happy when I was doing this birthday present that I was going to give to myself. Although birthdays are occassions where people would normally give presents to the birthday girl/boy, I wanted to give a present to myself and not expect presents from people because I believe that it is special when I prepare something for myself- as though I am starting to take more responsibility for my life and treating myself better. (: And it's something different, from the other birthdays that I have celebrated. And lastly, on my birthday, I would then write posts about significant memories of all these significant people in my life so that while I receive blessings on my birthday, I hope to give them blessings and brighten up their day , to show my appreciation for their presence in my life. :D I feel that this is a very "me" concept because I find it so important to appreciate people and also my trademark of writing personal notes to people. :D
So yes, for those who are interested to go and read my post about me being 21st, you can go to my new blog at mymemoriesinlife.wordpress.com (:
3. Vietnam trip and preparation for exchange
My Vietnam trip was much better than I expected. (: Well, frankly I was concerned over the money that I would spend there and that it would take up much of my time that I wished to leave for my friends and family before I flew for exchange. But, upon reflection and feedback from some of my close friends, this was a choice that I made and I could not be that selfish to just retract my word just because of my own self-interests. Hence, I told myself that I would just go and try to enjoy myself to the fullest.
Which I think I did. Thanks to Vincent's meticulous planning, I did have a good time and it did feel good to just leave Singapore then and soak in the joys of travelling and trying new food. (: I also managed to buy some stuff back for people and my family. Even though we did not live in very luxurious conditions, I liked where we stayed at, for it felt simple and homely. I also enjoyed the company of Munching and Vincent and of course, Brandon for afterall, Munching and Vincent would be leaving to Poland for exchange next semester and I may not even see them for one year. So yes, I felt that the entire experience was rather enjoyable and it occurred to me that it's the mindset that makes decisions meaningful. Like if I carried an annoyed and negative mindset for the trip, I guess I would find fault with everything, start regretting and not enjoy myself. So, it struck me that whatever choice I make, if I want to stick with it, I should stick with it with a positive mindset. (:
And lastly, my preparation for exchange! There were so many people I wanted to meet before I fly as well as devote time to my family, which I think I managed to do so. (: I'm thankful for that! (: While it was tiring and fattening because there were some days where I met about 3 people/groups of people here and there and had 3 meals, each meetup left me thankful and happy. (: I guess one thing that this exchange impacted on me was to be more appreciative of the people in my life and never to take them for granted.
As the date of my departure grew nearer, I suddenly felt really nervous and excited because I really did not know what to expect. It was a struggle trying to utilize time to the fullest and spread time out evenly between my family and friends. I am really thankful for people who understood and were willing to meet me just for teabreak and stuff and for people who really wanted to meet me more before I flew. (: I am really happy with who I have now in my social circle and felt very blessed and loved.
Oh one surprise that I must definitely blog about is the surprise birthday celebration by Brandon and the OG econs pple like Carine Huiting they all! I totally did not expect it and to have that birthday celebration in MBS was like, wahhh. :D:D I really felt very loved because they put in alot of effort to write my birthday card and memory (: I was sincerely touched and also thankful to Brandon for planing this surprise haha. And of course, the surprise by the social work people, I feel really blessed to have them! (: Haha even though we did not go Gardens by the Bay, those memories we had by the water were even more precious. (: And all the other meaningful meetups with other people, especially godbro who really took alot of time to travel all the way from Yew Tee to my house just to meet up and chat with me and I will never forget our ramily burger picnic. Haha. So many awesome memories before I flew, like meetups with Huikee and Jasmine where they gave me presents from Korea, haha meetups with all my precious family friends like joanna, joce,mw etc (: people like keith coming down late at night to pass me stuff that i need and my birthday card and jinghuan for being so concerned over my exchange packing and driving me to pack well and even insiisting that i get a laundry basket blah blah :D and and yea, everything ;) I do not need to really put them all down in words because I know they will be kept in my heart.
AND ON THE DAY WHERE I FLEW OFF(:
I am so grateful to Baoxue for coming all the way down from NTU to Changi Airport just to send me off for awhile and then rushing back to NTU for his lessons ! I was super duper extremely touched when I knew that because the journey was SOOOOOO LONGGGG. :x The effort put in was enough to make me feel super loved, especially because I thought there weren't many people coming because it was so early in the morning>< so yess, it really brightened up my day. (:(:(: He did not have to do this but yet he did and that thought really shows to me how precious our friendship was!
And of course the social work people! (: OMG i still couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Nun ( because he whatsapped me earlier on to say he couldn't come ><) and SHAMINI!!! >< HAHAHA xD she also bluffed me that she was not able to come , which I was really very sad about, so I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her. Best two surprises of the day. (:(: I was really so thankful when more people turned up - I felt so super loved, especially when they gave me their presents. (: I was really feeling too happy and blessed to feel sad because I was leaving Singapore. Their love and encouragement motivated me to have the best experience I could have during exchange.
So all in all, I feel that I am a very blessed girl.(:
And , I want to spread my blessings to people in my life.
And so, I will create more meaningful memories at mymemoriesinlife.wordpress.com (:
See you all there :D
Keep smiling :D
Sunday, August 12, 2012
finally, i'm blogging again! but no time ahh.
leaving for exchange tomorrow haha:D
sorry to my blog readers-
i promise to come back and update about my lifeee(:(:(:
Friday, July 06, 2012
Wow I'm finally back to update this blog!
So many things to update-I don't even know where to start!
Okay, I better record some things down that I will talk about :
- End of placement and my placement experience
- my concept for my 21st
- preparation for exchange
(: look forward to my next post!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
It's been a while since I blogged. Ever since placement started,
every weekday has been so freaking busy - I can't even remember a time
where I went straight home after work to rest and eat dinner.
All the birthdays to celebrate, the home visits and just simply, meet-ups
and stuff --they just drain my days away. Not that I regret going for all of them,
it's just that when I look back, I feel so amazed at myself and at the same time,
Recently, there have been many birthday girls- who are really significant people
and I feel really blessed and happy to be able to celebrate their birthday with and for them. (:
And also the meet up with my godbro, who is surviving in BMT - so many things that's going on.
Amidst all the things that's going on, my luck seems to have changed for the worse.
Some not-very-good things have been happening and I really hope
that they don't continue.
But, of course, my life has still been brightened up by
many people and many things and events. (:
As for my placement, I feel that I really am learning alot because of all the exposure to
new things that I have never done before in my previous placement.
I really start to understand myself better in terms of my flaws-
I see my weaknessess more clearly and I really am starting to understand
Joyz's intentions for her recommendations for my second placement. All these
do depress me, naturally , as I think I may have overestimated myself and to not be
able to meet up to my expectations is of course, sucky. But, as my supervisor said,
the only person I can control is myself and hence, I have to be the one to be motivated to change
and not dwell on emotions and instead, focus on my actions that can make me a better person.
Nevertheless, it is hard. Faced with different challenges, expectations and demands, I feel a little
overwhelmed at times. Overwhelmed sometimes to the point that I feel lost about how to make myself a better person.
But, I know that I need to be better. I need to face what that lies beyond my comfort zone
with the courage and belief in myself. I need to overcome my irrational fears and expectations.
I need to be more hardworking, be more vocal, be more willing to make mistakes and be more
confident in everything that I do. I need to learn how to manage emotions better, need to learn
how to think faster, communicate better- there's so much that I want to learn but the fact is that
I can't learn so much at one go. I need guidance, encouragement, support- which I know there will be
people willing to give me - but , I guess it's my openness and receptivity to them.
Positivity can be a facade, just as how it can be genuine. The same goes for everything else.
But, I guess that's why being accountable to oneself is the only thing that can reassure oneself
about what goes on around him/her.
Can I accept failure? Can I accept the fact that I will make mistakes because I'm not good enough?
Is what I think I am capable of doing really true? I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling a little discouraged by myself recently. Sigh. what a depressing post. Perhaps some will say I think too much, but I think
there's nothing wrong in thinking too much, of course not all the time la.
Jiayou bah. (:
Sunday, May 20, 2012
that's how I am feeling now. (:
wanyi's birthday party on friday night! (: I really love the thought and effort
put into making customized gifts for all the guests :D and the cake was so
pretty(: what makes it even more sweet is of course that
they are the first couple that I know to celebrate their 21st together (:
it was GREAT (: Seeing them doing stuff for us, running here and there, clearing up etc
really touched me because I know they just wanted us to enjoy ourselves and be happy,
which i did (:
I made my first salad! ^^ :D for Dr Nair's farewell party!
Thankyou bf for accompanying me to buy the ingredients and sending me home
after the stayover even though you were tired! <3
oh and I met hong sheng when i was taking train home with brandon, xx and jieli(:
so coincidental- i haven't seen him for so long la!
Anyway, Dr Nair's farewell party was awesome! (:
I sincerely truly enjoyed myself and the company and of course
getting to hear all the heartfelt words from Dr Nair , with the brilliant performances
by Nun and Alvin, awesome emceeing by sham and jiamin, hosting by joseph
and all the birthday cake surprises and just everything :D:D all the photos taken,
the laughter, the joy, the inspiration i got once again from this extremely
fantastic favourite lecturer- one that is enough for me to want to take a module
solely for her and one who never fails to encourage me and inspire me
about how social work should be done (: Someone i truly emulate,
look up to and hope to work with one day (:
But, above all, i feel trememdously blessed by all the wonderful social work people
in my life(: i feel loved and accepted and blessed, as i look at photos , think of memories-
they just make me smile(:
i gained so much from social work (: i suddenly feel like what i've been troubled over recently and stuff
are just so myopic, compared to the blessings i have and the blessings that i can bring to others(:
Friday, May 11, 2012
there's so much i want to say , so much negativity or rants that i feel like pouring out
but i just can't bring myself to do it. while awesome friends helped brighten up my night,
sometimes i can't help but feel that i'm so imperfect. it's a sucky feeling.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
I did a good deed today!
Helped an old lady together with a Malaysian young lady by helping her
carry her four big bags of things to her house in Bishan. She was carrying them because
she was moving house. Such a petite and skinny fragile old lady struggling to carry
4 big bags of stuff, with 1 containing a bolster- it wasn't easy la! Thank goodness she met us
because the journey to her house apparently involved crossing the road and walking quite a distance ><
I felt quite touched and yet a little troubled by the Malaysian young lady
who also helped her. Touched because there are such nice people out there
who are still willing to give help , even though it had been a tiring day at work.
Troubled because it was not a Singaporean that offered a hand of assistance. ><
Have some thoughts but too tired to blog, another time :D:D