helloo

realised that i haven't updated for very long ...

actually, i wanted to blog during the past few days

but subconsciously, i was too sian-ed to do so :(

ahh. i think the stress from studies is really getting on my nerves.

it's so super stressful when you see others doing so well with their revision

or at least, much better than you...:(

well, i know it's my fault- i didn't make use of time properly

and even let some entire days go to waste :(

haiz.

im trying to keep the optimism going

because i know that it's a sense of responsibility-

it's something that only i can control...

which reminds me of a book which i flipped through yesterday at popular(:

this phrase struck me ' Healing is a responsibility"

because the only person who can heal you is yourself..

only you have the ability to heal yourself from all the wounds from the past..

even though they say that time heals

but i think time is just a catalyst , a factor helping the healing process..

if you just refuse to heal and choose to suffer for the rest of your life by not letting go,

there's nothing anyone can do about it, right?

i suddenly realised the importance of the word - responsibility...

it's not just a quality linked to leadership and school work or work at jobs,

it has influence over our mental state , over our spiritual self(:

only you can determine the thoughts that you think

you can choose to think them positively or negatively

it's your choice- but bear in mind your responsibility in making the choice...

everytime i'm sad or depressed,

i allow for myself to emo first for awhile

until i feel mentally ready to heal myself(:

but i had never thought of healing as a responsibility...

to me, healing was giving hope

because i was really impacted by this saying-

when there is someone inflicting pain, there is someone there to heal(:

it's inspiring indeed and i had always wanted to be the person that heals....

healing is magical- it renews someone's faith and confidence

it cures negativity- it makes someone see the world as a better place(:

see that life is still worth it to continue living on ....

have been reflecting quite alot for these few days

started with my volunteering session with small kids on sat(:

couldn't resist this opportunity :D thanks to vincent who introduced this to me haha!

anyway, during debrief session, the person in charge mentioned something

which really impacted me because i did not see it in that perspective..

it's amazing how new perspectives are presented to you when you are least expecting it

and i guess that's what that creates such a deep impact(:

there was this child who was very active during the session

but when his mother came , he always quietened down

thus it was quite evident that he feared his mother and his mother had certainly exercised strict discipline with him...

when the person in charge mentioned this, i was reminded of my past

where my mother would cane me for the mistakes that i made

and while i was trying to put myself into the shoes of the child,

the person added one more sentence -

'so, the reason for his enthusiastic-ness and hyperactivity during the sessions could be because he saw this as a chance for him to gain freedom- and that he was always restrained in his home.'

i know it sounds quite a common evaluation point

but it just somehow hit me quite hard -

that everyone has his subconscious/ conscious reason for his actions...

every action has a purpose - this principle applies even to small young kids , implying that perhaps this is a universal concept(:

sometimes senseless actions might not appear very intellectual or significant

-e.g. being hyperactive may have been just because it was in his nature or he found it very fun-

but in actual fact, it may have been a venue for him to experience freedom

a place for him to relieve stress from home and thus it was definitely of great significance.(:

so, we have to respect each other's actions.(=

had class outing on monday(:

super tired and although there weren't many people present,

we still had fun :D

and im still glad i went (:

<33>

went out with hidayat to study yesterday(:

it was quite productive :D

an enjoyable day!xD

ended on a bright note -

a smile(:

not just any normal smile

a smile with sincerity, appreciation and happiness(:

this kind of smiles never fail to melt my heart :)

appreciation- i like this word.(:

only when we start appreciating others,

will we appreciate ourselves, our existence even more :D

i believe strongly in appreciating

because appreciation warms the heart :D

throughout our whole life,

many acts of goodwill have been done to us

but how many of them have we actually remembered

and remembered to show our appreciation?

if you can't rmb, it's ok(: start from now :D

smile(:

Lyon