Friday, July 31, 2009

11:01 PM

LYON

YOU SUCK.

i can't believe how weak you are

a pitiful, pathetic weakling.

you might as well give up being a social worker

you won't last.

you're useless.

you just probably made someone you respect alot

despise you

and your loser attitude

lazy, lack of determination and persverance

no effort at all.

stupid. thats what you are.

you suck.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

12:06 AM

helloo(:

sometimes in life,

all you need is to face the mirror

look at yourself

and tell yourself

i can do it! jiayou! (:

things will get better once you start believing(:

just wait and see.

when things get too overwhelming

perhaps its time to view things from a different perspective

or learn to love everything thats coming your way(:

we only live once.

sure, there are some things that we cannot afford to lose in

or things we cannot afford to let go

but then again,

what's meant to be will be

so ultimately, what's most important in life

is to live your life the way you want it(:

despite all the obstacles and stress and challenges

they don't last

as long as we move on,

they won't last(:

jiayou people! :D

and btw,

awww xiaojingteng is <3333333

Lyon

lyon

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

11:20 PM

helllooo(:

just finished my revision for tmr's maths retest

hope i manage to get it over and done with!

and anyway, i just watched

xiaojingteng's

WO BU HUI AI - MV!!!!(:

ohman i didnt even know it was out lahhh

so when i saw it,

it was really a pleasant surprise

and lived up to my expectations lehh :D

coz i love that song alot alot alot :D:D

the mv was really well coordinated with the song

and it was really touching- i almost teared lahh :D

oh man you know what this means?

it means

xiaojingteng

rawks!!<333

HEHE.

i shall go watch it once more and indulge(:

smile(:

Lyon

Sunday, July 26, 2009

9:01 PM

hello!(:

it's the end of the weekend.urgh.

although i didn't manage to do much work

i must say i don't feel that stressed

in fact, i kind of had my fair share of rest during this weekend

which i certainly enjoyed alot(:

but this means that i need to really mug hard

this week again! jiayou to me!:D

anyway, something really inspiring happened to me(:

okayyy maybe it's not that inspiring

but it was really a pleasant surprise that brightened up my day(:

it happened to me after i bathed

whereby i was feeling quite positive

because i was trying to encourage myself (:

i opened the cap of the tube of face cream thingy

and pressed gently, like always,

for the cream thingy to come out

and guess what happened?

BUBBLES came out(:

aha XD tiny little soapy bubbles

just floated out \

which really really surprised me :D

because i wasn't expecting that at all

it seemed kind of magical

and inspiring because it was

such a positive coincidence! :D

positive thoughts plus beautiful bubbles(:

really lifted my spirits up :D:D

okayy maybe the incident would mean nothing to others

i mean, it will definitely seem trivial to some people

but to me,

it's this little unexpected surprises in life that

brighten up your day (:

it seemed as though life was encouraging me

to carry on thinking positively(:

and the bubbles was a sign (:

because i love bubbles (: (:

oh well:D pleasant surprises in life really make my day!

jiayou everyone! :D

Lyon

Friday, July 24, 2009

12:29 AM

hello!

argh. feeling really tired now:(

totally drained out by school today

was so inclined to sleep during maths " US conference"

just now HAHA

actually, nowadays i've been feeling really lethargic

but i guess i should be happy in a way

because it's proof that i'm really giving it my all

and focusing just on studying now(:

i foresee myself getting more and more tired

it should take some time before i get used to it

so meanwhile

to everyone who's reading my blog

please understand if i stone alot or don't talk much

i need to conserve energy (:

life can be fun and happy, if in the right perspective(:

jiayou people! :D:D

smile(:

Lyon

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

11:11 PM

hello(:

here's a quick post before i start doing work again:(

today's learning journey was surprisingly insightful(:

harmony centre is really an interesting place

and Islam culture is indeed unique in various ways haha

argh. i'm tired

sigh. haha i realise that studying makes me

more isolated from the outside world

or the people around me - which is not really a bad thing lah

since i need to concentrate when im studying

but sometimes i feel bad about it - but then again,

IF I DON'T START MUGGING NOW, THEN WHEN?>.<

jiayou!(:

Lyon

12:12 AM

hello(:

today was quite a good day :D

because of some random encounters(:

and some correct decisions that i made (:

ohh but before that,

i got back my report book today

or otherwise known as dossier-.-

haha XD

and oh well- my U spoils everything

and the comments have a negative connotation to it:(

sigh.

i know ms leong meant well

and it's indeed true to some extent

but aiyoo- it's on my report slip leh ><

haha XD

haiz.

oh well. im glad im not going overseas uni that requires CT grades haha :D

ohh one impt random encounter and correct decision i made

was going home with faith!:D

ahha XD never talk to her for very long already

and it was really nice(:

aha (: she's someone whom i feel somehow comfortable with (: (:

it's nice to catch up with old friends once in awhile:D

must jiayou le!(:

Lyon

Monday, July 20, 2009

11:31 PM

helllllooo(:

im tired.

oh well, who's not?

let's all jiayou :D

smile(:

Lyon

Sunday, July 19, 2009

7:37 PM

helloo(:

integration gives me a BIG headache

it makes me feel like PUKING

it makes me feel damn DISGUSTED

argh.

sometimes i wish my brain works faster

it's currently working TOO slow :(

i'm doing everything too slowly

but i want to do things faster :(

as i was walking home today

feeling all grumpy and frustrated about my studies

and having a splitting headache,

there was this smell in the air

this familiar smell(:

i can't describe it

but it's familiar and inspiring(:

i knew i lived through happy moments sniffing this smell in the air

in the past(:

i know it probably sounds weird- who bothers to notice smells in the air?

but i do(:

there's always a different smell in the air :D

and by committing this smell to memory

it serves as inspiration at the right moments(:

suddenly

i felt alive(:

thankful for so many things

in life(:

thankful for the fact that im able to walk

able to smell, able to see,

able to think and able to enjoy what life can offer me(:

it's not about the materialistic things

but rather its the simple pleasures that life offers(:

able to walk down a street

admiring everything around you

and listening to music

is a blessing(:

blessings in life - we should count our blessings(:

they make us appreciate our life even more :D

smile(:

Lyon

12:27 AM

hellloo(:

im blogging again for this night HAHA

okayy its time to get back to work(:

was immersing myself in XJT videos just now :D

awwww (:

did i mention how great he is? HAHA (:

he rawks rawks rawks <333

HAHA:D

okay back to work!(:

Lyon

Saturday, July 18, 2009

10:53 PM

hello(:

just finished watching " harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban " (:

suddenly feel so inspired :D

feels as though my spark for harry potter has been ignited HAHA(:

harry potter movies are especially meaningful to me

because i've been watching them together with my brother(:

so it sort of holds some symbolic significance

except for the 4th movie ><>

the one that's showing now!(:

suddenly feel like watching it! ahah XD

a pity i can't watch it with my bro

coz his friends ask him to watch with them already

but for symbolic sake,

i already made a pact with my bro

to watch the last harry potter movie with him (:

to make harry potter movies a symbol of our brother-sister relationship <33

after my A levels,

i shall re-read ALL the harry potter books

and re-watch ALL the harry potter movies(:

can't wait! :D:D:D

and XIAOJINGTENG's new album

rawks!!! :) :)

all the songs are really nice(:

the first time you hear the songs

they will not have much impact on you

but after hearing it a few times over and over again

you will grow to love the songs(: (:

aww <33

i <33>

smile(:

Lyon

1:20 AM

hellloo(:

xiaojingteng's songs are really nice! ahah XD

especially songs like " wo bu hui ai" and " xiao nan ren da nan ren"(:

and he has a song with the word

" green" in it(:

HAHAA(:

im in a happy mood(:

Lyon

Friday, July 17, 2009

11:34 PM

helllooo (:

was feeling a little defensively irritated awhile ago

after reading something

damn it.

i feel guilty

freakingly guilty

sometimes i feel damn annoyed with my own character

maybe a more inconsiderate and thoughtless and selfish lyon would be better.

then i wouldn't need to feel guilty

or rather guilty to such a large extent.

maybe it's time for all the negativity to come out

annoyed. irritated and pissed off.

on a brighter note,

xiao jing teng's album is OUT! :D

<33!!

can't wait to listen to his songs!(:

Lyon

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

11:07 PM

helloo!

well, something good happened to me.

i don't know what exactly actually but somehow or rather,

i'm starting to see hope (:

oh well- keep my fingers crossed

and just strive to do my best.

really my best.(:

i'm going to become a full-fledged mugger and this time

i swear it's for REAL :D

smile(:

Lyon

Monday, July 13, 2009

11:20 PM

helllo!(:

i got back my CT results today.

it was quite bad, to be honest, but i knew that it was retribution

for not putting in the effort required

another overestimation of my capability i guess

or rather, overestimation of my luck HEH.

GP- i got a C. (: well, it's the subject which i improved the most (: but still, there are so many areas of improvement x_X

Econs- i got a C. hmm. a stagnant C grade. well, considering how i really didn't study for econs ( i only made a few mindmaps and read through the notes >< ), i guess i should be considered lucky already. heh i was so afraid i would disappoint ms leong by " deproving" but luckily never- but i'll definitely work harder!(:

CLL- i got a B (: okay- another improvement- a rather unexpected improvement though because i didn't put in much effort for it. ( aiyah actually i didn't put in much effort for anything ><>

MATHS-okay heres the SHOCKING part about my CT results- in fact- its HORRIFYING. haha XD to the extent that im too stunned to feel sad or anything, just pretty amused.

my maths actually DROPPED BY 5 GRADES- from a B to a .. U!!

kind of WOAH right . x_X when i saw it, i was really stunned. HAHA.

and i thought i did study for it lor x_X haha XD i knew it- i was living in self-denial haiz.

but oh well- at least it was maths that dropped(: i have confidence to pull it back up to at least a B in prelims- JIAYOU!(:

okay, here comes the saddest part about this CTs, the part that made me damn depressed in the afternoon before i " recovered"(:

HISTORY- i got a C. okay a C doesn't seem that bad right? but it affected me ALOT ALOT ALOT- freaking hell ALOT. all my previous results didn't really affect me, not even maths .

i never knew how much history meant to me until today lah. haha XD

ehh it wasn't about my performance for all the essay papers because i also didn't put in much effort for history so i wasn't expecting very great results.. but i guess it was more of disappointing ms krishnan.. i knew i could have done better and frankly speaking, i was afraid she would give up on me :( i guess that made me real depressed.

haha i study for the teachers.. and its been proven that out of all my teachers,

the teacher whom i respect the most or rather, the teacher that means most to me

would be ms krishnan! haha XD i was still thinking whether it was ms leong or ms krishnan lor

but i think now - ms leong would be second (: closely behind ms krishnan(:

in fact, her words in the revision class later on cheered me up alot too(: it made me feel that

there's still hope for me :D

but anyway, i was damn depressed in the afternoon- sorry if i had offended anyone ><-

but the article and 2 smses helped (: thanks alot :D:D :D i appreciate it!(:

actually im quite happy that i managed to recover from my depression so fast leh (:

faster than i thought i would :D because i was really damn damn depressed - on the verge of tears lorr haha(:

i always treasure such moments in my life- whereby i go through a depressed period

but manage to overcome it

with people's help too

and emerge as a stronger person(:

anyway, its really time to buck up!(:

jiayou people!

at least its only CTs now!(:

be thankful its not prelims

be thankful theres still time

even though theres not alot,

when theres time , theres hope(:

as long as you believe, as long as you persevere

as long as you work hard

because if not now, when?

you can do it:D

jiayou :)

smile(:

Lyon

Sunday, July 12, 2009

6:17 PM

hello!(:

FINALLY- today was a more productive day than the past few days(:

oh well- better late than never:D

building the momentum to chiong! (:

looking forward to tmr

getting back results!

haha not that im looking forward coz i know i will do well

but rather i know i will do quite badly

so im looking forward to see how badly i would do

so as to really wake up and jiayou le! (:

OH and i did a quiz from facebook which is surprisingly very true leh ahah XD

although i would have preferred green haha:D

Lyon completed the quiz "Which color best suits your personality?" with the result You are Yellow! .

You are Yellow! You are a bright, happy person. You probably like peace and harmony, and just wish that everyone could be as simply joyful as you are. You love to spend time with your friends, and are probably the optimist in the group. Not to say that you're sickeningly happy all the time, you just tend to have a positive outlook on life. You have a bright, pleasant personality that draws people to you. You can light up a whole room! You sometimes get stepped on by reds, not because you can't defend yourself, but because you prefer not to. You just don't want to disrupt the peace. Your friends go to you when they need someone to encourage them or to help them look on the bright side. You can also be very insightful; you have a way of seeing the world differently, more perceptively, than most people. At the same time, however, you can be a little...well, you live in your own little world. Just like yellow can go with most colors, you can get along with most people - as long as they can stand your optimism! You, in a nutshell: Happy, peace-loving, bright, insightful, optimistic, supportive, loving, compassionate. YELLOW!.

haha:D quite true right?

anyway, its time to jiayou le!:D

oh and before i forget,

THANKS SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME PRINT ALL THE STUFF<3333

hehe:D appreciate it(: love ya!<33

smile(:

Lyon

Saturday, July 11, 2009

2:09 PM

hello!(:

was reading blogs just now

and happened to read junya's blog(:

all the sec 4 memories- especially those after exams(:

suddenly miss hanging out with

junya xue ting and rebecca alot ><>

it's times like these when

i can't wait for Alevels to be over

and it's time to catch up people whom im really looking forward

to catching up with(:

its inevitable for people to

drift apart as time goes by

but i believe that as long as

we still believe in our friendship

nothing will change(:

on a more depressing note-

argh. im still slacking :(

wth. HAIZ

oh well- jiayou lyon!(:

smile(:

Lyon

Friday, July 10, 2009

10:18 PM

helllo(:

just came back from a wonderful day (:

i actually managed to go mug for awhile at bedok library(:

(actually not mug ><><)

met jasmine after that to go eat some stuff(:

and after that i went SUN-DAC to visit again! :D

i love going back to SUN-DAC because i love the trainers and the clients there (:

it'a a place where i feel loved and where i know my presence will bring joy to the clients(:

and the trainers too :D muahaha(:

anyway, when i went back- almost all the clients remembered me (:

and said/waved hello to me :D and smiled at me (:

their enthusiasm and happiness never fails to brighten up my day :)

similarly, i know that if i were them,( i heard from the trainer too )

i'll feel very happy that there's this person

who comes to visit whenever she can even when she's not obliged to(:

this extra care and concern would brighten up my day :D

so it's a win-win situation for them and for me (:

you never know how much you can make them happy just by your presence (:

that's what that has been keeping me motivated in returning back to SUN-DAC

whenever i can(:

i still remember that the main reason that made me decide on committing to SUN-DAC

was something i learnt from the YVIP 2007(:

volunteering for most people is only short term

like a one day CIP activity or a 2 weeks attachment

so the impact you leave on the clients is not deep

you can't really make a difference in their lives

but if you're committed and consistent in volunteering

and the clients see you regularly,

they will learn to accept you and recognize you

and thats when you have started to make a deeper impact on their life

so i decided that i wanted to stay committed to SUN-DAC(:

i want to make a stronger impact on the lives of the clients(:

although i don't really have any capability to do so

but at least letting them know that i care would mean alot :D

i really love all the clients alot(:

it's hard to explain but even though i can't really communicate with them sometimes

but just watching them makes me feel very contented and happy(:

haha :)

oh and i got to see chong siang!(: <33

AND of course

the TRAINERS(:

aww:D i love them alot too

and they're one of the main reason for my return to sundac(:

christina, jon, nancy,wan halima,rena, tony, caroline! (:

<33>

they never fail to make me feel special (:

and i really appreciate the care and concern

and encouragement and faith they have in me(:

that i'll do well for my A levels(:

it really motivates me :D haha XD

I can't express how happy i am with them but i really treasure these ties(:

anw, after the sun-dac visit(:

i went sam's house for dance handover ceremony!;D

which was really really SWEET (:

haha :D i enjoyed myself there:) somehow watching all the juniors together makes me contented(:

haha XD

and the presents and notes that they prepared for us were really

WOAH (: damn touching :D:D

especially some of the notes(: really put a big bright smile on my face :D

im glad i have such wonderful juniors in Dance society

and im confident that they will continue to make dance society shine(:

thank you juniors(: LOVE YOU ALL ALOT :D

and jiayou always(: thanks for the support:D

haha XDits time to really buck up le!(:

jiayou lyon!!:D

smilE(:

Lyon

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

7:46 AM

hellloo(:

CTs 2009 are officially OVER. (=

happiness. (:

even though it's short - lived but still,

i love the feeling after exams(:

ever since my first exam( in pri school)

i always looked forward to that feeling of liberation :D

this CTs has been one hell of an experience

i was so super stressed over it , not to mention depressed too >.<

i swear that this is the first time i'm actually so depressed over studies...

kind of weird that it's this way

but the fact that it's this way indicates how much i have to work hard ....

using psychological warfare for this CTs

was just living in self-denial

pretending that i'm really going to test my confidence level

and how well i can do just based on confidence

well, but it was a good method(:

at least i survived all the papers.

but at the end of everything,

it was just a facade. a facade that everything's okay.

i don't reject facades but i don't like the responsibility that goes with it...

i realised that i'm a person who likes to live in self-denial

i don't like to give myself stress

i don't like to make myself unhappy or pissed off

so i try to think of everything in a positive way

or rather in a way that makes me feel better...

but i don't think there's anything wrong with that(:

i mean, everyone only lives ONCE

so might as well lead a happier life,

leave happier memories

and make others happy too (:

but, this time, i don't think i can afford to live in self-denial over my studies..

i want to break the vicious cycle.

which reminds me of the talk i had with wanglaoshi

somehow it was inspiring and motivating

maybe because what he said was more of the negative stuff

and coincidentally, i was feeling very negative too..

( NEGATIVE + NEGATIVE = POSITIVE :D )

so instead of feeling offended or anything, i was kind of amused by all the negative stuff he said to me(: kind of weird ehh but it was a good talk, something i really needed.

i know i can do better

i know that i have never done my best before

for studies.

i know i'm underachieveing

and the reason for it is because i'm lazy

lazy to give it my best

lazy to go through all the hard work

i always like to find short cuts

and worse still, after i find shortcuts

i live in self -denial and tell myself

that's my best..

ahh.. what a horrible attitude i have!

haiz. but okay lah(:

at least i'm willing to admit it

and hopefully that's a start(:

when people tell me how their CTs are screwed up

surprisingly, i don't have an urge to say that my CTs are screwed up

because i know that considering how badly i prepared for this CTs,

i actually did better than i thought(:

in the sense that i managed to finish all the papers - essays and stuff

okay except for maths ><

but yeaa. i thought i would die so horribly :(

so was rather relieved when i survived (:

BUT again, thats a facadeeeeee

because doing better than i thought i did

doesn't mean i did well :(

in fact after reflecting again about my CTs,

i suspect that my grades would be worse than promos last year.

ahhhh. i hope not but aiyahh

even if it is, i guess it's my retribution..

but i can still change.

i can still do it for Alevels!(:

i need the motivation and energy to continue

and i'm really grateful for everyone who has encouraged me , especially

for the period before CTs

i was feeling so super helpless but you all cheered me up . (:

its home based learning- aka holiday(:

a good time to rest

but not rest too long lah :D

let's all jiayouu!(:

smile(:

Lyon

Friday, July 03, 2009

7:16 PM

hello(:

2 more papers to go...

and these 2 papers consist of one of the hardest papers that im dreading >.<

HISTORY-SOUTHEAST ASIA PAPER .

argh. x_X

have been slacking ever since i came home at around 2pm

after lunch at bedok with jasmine(:

oh btw she said she felt like crying after seeing my birthday post for her :D:D

HEH. i have the ability to make people touched ehh XD muhaha :)

ANYWAY, im not supposed to blog now

because i said i want to blog after my CTs are over..

but something really meaningful just happened to me(:

and i want to blog it out before i forget:D

it started with my sudden urge to jog

because i was staring out of my window

and the weather was so nice(: the wind was so nice

and the air smelt so nice that something just told me to go out

jog and enjoy (:

which i did.

but the lazy me didn't do any warm-up

and i haven't jogged / exercised in ages >.<

so after i jogged, i went to buy dinner

at the place at joo chiat

the stall is run by a couple(:

everyone in my family likes the food they sell there:)

and so when i went there, i queued up to buy

at that time, i was feeling abit unwell and nauseous already

when it was my turn,

as i was choosing the food

my vision suddenly blurred until i couldn't see anything at all

was clearly on the verge on fainting >.<

i didn't want to faint so i quickly told the auntie to wait coz i felt like fainting

i went and sat down

and the kind uncle stallowner brought me a bowl of water

and gave me medicated oil (:

and he kept asking me if i was okay

and insisted that i rest for about half an hr

the auntie was also very nice (:

she told me about buddhist stuff and how to make myself feel better(:

although all these may be very simple gestures to anyone

but it really meant alot to me

especially since i was really on the verge of fainting

and i was really scared and helpless

my vision kept blurring and clearing and blurring again

it was kind of awful

so i really appreciated their kind gestures(:

for being there for me :D although i don't know them well(:

its the joy of helping others

that i see in them
(:

and im inspired(:

eventually , i got better :D

and although i thanked them,

i felt it wasn't enough to show my gratefulness

so im going to buy more food from that stall next time(:

as well as to thank them in my post(:

not that they will see this post

but just to show how grateful i am towards them(:

it makes me believe in the inspiring cycle of people

helping one another(:

and it makes me want to help more people

because i know the feeling of being helped

its a nice feeling :D

having people there for you in ur weakest moments(:

it keeps you believing and strong:D

THANK YOU!(:

sMILE(:

btw xiaojingteng new song very nice:D and his album's coming out soon!!<33

Lyon

Thursday, July 02, 2009

12:22 AM

helllloo(:

its been such a LONGGG time since i blogged...

i shall blog a long post about everything that's been going on

after my CTs end... on NEXT tuesday! >< :D

but meanwhile, i'm going to specially dedicate this post

to a very dear friend of mine(:

JASMINE SIM JIE MIN!(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND! <33

6 years of friendship

6 years of memories(:

6 years of squabbles and unhappiness that we had

but most importantly,

6 years of smiles and laughter you have brought me(:

6 years of brightening up my life

just by being who you are :D

thanks for being such a wonderful friend(:

i truly truly appreciate it :D

always stay happy :D

and you know i'm always there for you!(:

best friends forever<33

smile(:

Lyon