hello (:

Everyone seems to be posting "New Year" posts, if you know what i mean.
Recap of 2011 and how 2012 will be like and so on. It's really interesting for me , personally,
to read such posts because I see how my friends grow stronger and better.
Normally, that's the case. I haven't seen any negative examples so far.

Just about 15 minutes ago, I was extremely frustrated, irritated and angry.
About the lowest minimum bid for MNO. Someone told me it was 1. And
I believed it and didn't bother to go and verify personally. Now, I realise it's 350
and after yesterday's damn expensive module, I only have 243 points.
Which means I probably might not get MNO if it suddenly becomes as popular as it was
last semester. This kind of sucks because I was actually quite looking forward to studying MNO
and I had everything planned out already. :(

Surprisingly, after reading someone's new year post, I feel better now.
It reminded me of how I always believed in fate and destiny. How I always felt that
what's meant to be will be and sometimes, we should just lead life as how life leads us to lead it.
Whether I'll get MNO or not is really a question of whether I'll be lucky. I hope I will.
But, what if I'm not? Then, I 'll just have to curse and swear, feel sore about it and then,
find a way to make up for it and move on. Theoretically, it's so simple. But, when the process comes, it kind of sucks.

I guess that's how life is. We hope for everything to go according to what we want.
We hope for things to go smoothly. On my part, I like to plan. I like to plan about my future,
plan about things that matter to me, such as grades and finances.
Sometimes, planning gives me a sense of satisfaction. It's as though I'm doing something
for my future. I'm not just a slacker , living day to day, with no ultimate aim or goal in my life.
Planning makes me feel that I'm actually more prepared for life, for the different uncertainties.
Yet, the ironic thing is that planning makes life tiring and potentially more heartbreaking and stressful. Why? Because if things don't go according to plan ( when there's a plan), that means
disappointment , sadness and even resentment. And so, as what someone told me before,
just live life in the moment. What's the point of planning when you know that you can never fully control and steer your life according to plan?

So how? We can only try to strike a balance. Plan but get mentally prepared that your plans may fall through. When they fall through, plan again.

I still believe some form of planning is necessary. No planning just doesn't strike me as being
responsible for the future. If we don't plan just because we don't want to face disappointment, resentment and sadness, that's a normatively cowardly action because while every human being can understand this logic, we shouldn't be daunted by it because life will somehow make us experience these emotions.

But, anyway, back to my MNO. I feel scared that I cannot get the module and then,
there'll be the hassle of trying to get another module, which could be potentially really bad.
But then , maybe all these, if they happen, they happen for a reason.
Perhaps I shouldn't be too hard on myself about my plans coming true. Afterall,
as ominous as this may sound, I could die anytime because of anything.
And hence, what's important is to stay happy.