hello!

lots of ups and downs for today...

in a way, i matured.

it's kind of amazing how everything can happen together

consecutively

bringing your mood down

and up

and down again

sometimes helping others

and getting back a scolding

or the lack of appreciation really hurts

it won't stop me from doing so

but sometimes,

i do start to question myself

and emo about it

but oh well,

i healed myself already so no worries(:

i keep telling myself

as a future social worker

i need to think more positively than others

i need to think differently from others

i cannot succumb to the same problems

which others succumb to

or rather,

i should undergo this problems

and heal myself

and share my healing process

oh well.

a very reflective day today.

everyone's a hypocrite, including me.

but to me,

a real hypocrite is someone who is fake deliberately

and sometimes i hate my character

because i seem to appear to be what i define as a real hypocrite

oh well.

i can't make everyone happy

so if people think i'm fake

den so be it lor

i don't think they are very real themselves

because no one can be 100% real

oh and CIP hours issue

really bug me alot

i understand the need to get your CIP houras recognised

i understand the need to prove your effort put in

i was like this once

but now, after i matured from being in CSC for 2 years

i kind of despise this type of thinking

yeah i know- this is a realistic world

and CIP hours seem to be a stereotypical indication

of whether you have actually been serving your community

whether you're really a kind compassionate soul

sometimes the way people view CIP

irk me so much

i just get totally turned off about CIP

i mean, yes , its for a good cause

and i think the people who go for CIP are really wonderful(:

but yet the fact that not everyone goes for the right reasons is undeniable

i tell myself that it's okay

it's understandable

and the most important process is that

the beneficiaries get helped in the end

and hopefully one matures from it

but at times, i just can't help but feel irritated

but of course, im not perfectionist myself

and i did have this views before

so i can't blame pple for having this values..

but still, it just irks me.

seriously.

i can't help it.

when i first saw the number of CIP hours i got

to be honest,

i was quite happy

afterall, it seemd to increase my chances of going into NUS social work

but this happiness died down very fast

i didn't see any need to be really proud of this achievement

after a period of time

because it's what i gained that was important

im not trying to be a goody goody altruistic

perfect girl

but thats really what i feel

times when i need to resort to the mention of CIP hours to get volunteers

makes me despise myself

and yet i know thats necessary

because for many, thats the thing that entices them

seriously, is CIP a boon or a bane?

i still believe strongly in the altruism and willingness to help in everyone

just hope that they could start seeing CIP in a different way(:

i've been through the process so i know it can be done!

wahh this seems to be a lengthy complain post

but its because i reflected alot today

anw jiayou pple (:

Lyon