hello!(:

i just finished my south asian essay! (:
but somehow i just feel a little insecure, about whether I did all the relevant citation and stuff
so i'm not going to submit it for turnitin yet
hopefully i can find ways to improve it the next time i review it,
afterall, i have until tuesday!(:

yesterday was my social work field trip to HCA Hospice(:
had a bad start because I stupidly remembered the wrong time to report
and i still happily took my own sweet time to prepare for this visit.-.-
when i realised my mistake, i was left with only 15 min.
although i managed to get a taxi, but it was at the expense of this malay lady
which i really feel quite apologetic to, but desperate times call for desparate measures
( punctuality was emphasized by the lecturer ><)
oh well, i guess this is the inherent selfish nature of every human being.
anyway, the taxi driver was quite a nice old uncle that did try his best to make me reach as early as possible(:
i was late anyway but at least I was not the latest :D

anyway, i learned alot from my trip (:
it didn't impact me in the way that i thought it would did
maybe because we didn't have any interaction with the hospice patients
but i learnt alot from the counsellor, Elaine as well as the medical social worker Lola.
in terms of facts about social workers , hospice care
and what i feel most importantly,
which i learnt from Elaine, about her life experience.
Her determination to live her life the way she wanted it,
to add a meaningful component to her life(:
how she learnt to value life even more
and let go of the trivial stuff
when she lives in a surrounding that death is very common.

One more thing that impacted me was how people working in the hospice setting deal with death so much more.
Imagine only able to work with the client once,
see him/her for once
because him/her has left this world and is unable to make it for the next visit.
Even worse, not being able to see a client that you've been assigned to
because he has left the world
even before you had the chance to help him.
Emotionally draining , very mentally challenging
it willl really change your perspectives on life.

Result oriented people cannot handle this career
because when you're dealing with people, you need to understand that
it's not a one-man show, you can't get everything to go your way,
you need collaboration and mutual understanding.
i'm glad i'm not a very result-oriented person.
it's the process and the memories and the little bits that matter.

i realise that almost every social worker/counsellor i met
always tell me to consider my options carefully.
Although they don't express it out loud,
but i sense some doubt.
which i don't blame them, because there are people who claim to everyone that they want to be a social worker, who major in social work
and yet quit after 2 years of working in this industry.

although i don't dare confirm and say that this will not happen to me,
at least I'm confident that for now,
this is what I want in life.

Life is so short and fragile
why not live it to the fullest?
learn to accept more, forgive more, enjoy more
and think of how to make it as fufilling as possible.
enjoy every bit and every moment.
maybe you might hate this particular part or moment in life
because you feel damn tired or damn sian or u feel that ure suffering
why not take another perspective?
this is just a way of letting you feel life
understand that life can't always be happy and fairy tale like
this is a way to just let you look back on life when you're old
and think that
i've really lived. (:

i believe everything happens for a reason. (:

smile(:

hello!

a quick post before i start racking my brains and killing my poor brain cells over my
south asian studies review essay. :(

sigh. frankly, i quite like writing essays but i hate writing academic essays, essays where you must cite properly and blah blah blah. =x
oh well, i'm trying to think very positively, that i'll definitely need this skill no matter where i go,
so might as well master it well. (:

anyway, i wanted to blog this down yesterday but i forgot.

i learnt something very important yesterday!(=
something that i had been thinking about recently.

i know how to sustain a long term relationship already,
the method is just to focus on the question :
how to be sweet to your other half everday?
and live each day as it is, without thinking too much(:

this answer reminds me of the answer to
how to lead a happy life?
instead of focusing on thinking about how to keep yourself happy in the years ahead,
why not just think about how you can stay happy everyday
and don't think too much.(:

haha. such a simple theory that i had derived long ago
and yet i didn't think of putting it into the context of relationships.
thanks dear<3

okayy, now it's back to my south asian studies essay!

smile(:

hello(:

it's the start of recess week!
i better make good use of this week to catch up on everything that
i'm lagging behind in.

fell sick yesterday
and i'm still feeling a little of the aftereffects now :(
but i shall stay strong cuz must start work! (=

but, despite my sickness,
i think i'm a very lucky girl.
thankyou to you godbro and you pig for being so concerned about me (:
and especially thank you to you<3
for thinking for me for so many things (=
and willing to take that gamble. (=

Treasure.
Cherish.
Appreciate.
(=

that's what i need to work on.

i should stop thinking so much and just live life
for every moment of happiness
it can give me (=

i feel guilty.
and i can't help but pray that we'll always give you the strength to carry on and stay strong.
sorry for not being able to really help you with anything.
if only i can slowly break down that barrier but it's not easy
to break down something engraved so deeply for so many years.
perhaps, i'll only find the answer, the solution
when i'm older and more mature.
i just hope it's not too late.

smile(:

hello,

i just need an outlet to write some of my thoughts down.

when that call came,
a mixture of guilt and shame came over me.
i think i made a mistake
and i'm afraid that that mistake might cause a permanent scar
because i understand
that for things that seem minor to an adult
they might mean the world to a child.

i overestimated myself.
thinking that i was really able to commit.
and when i realised things started going wrong,
yet i didn't have the courage to face it
kept trying to sweep things under the rug
and even letting my laziness get the better of me.

but i know that lamenting over this is pointless
because no matter how much i complain,
no matter how much i lament or feel disgusted by myself
by my idealism, my childishness, my laziness, my cowardice
if i don't take action
i'll just be stuck in my own world of self-pity.
i need to believe in what i believed back then
i need to pick myself up and reverse the damage that i have done.
i need to be a stronger girl.

how to be there for people when u're a weakling?

hello!

:( i've a very bad headache that refuses to go away
and i'm feeling feverish and aching all over.

feeling SICK.

i hate being sick. cuz its when i feel the most vulnerable.

OH AND i have alot of work to do.
sian. inertia kicks in everytime i feel sick.
argh. irritated.
and constant nagging isn't helping.

sighh yet i know i shouldn't be whining away here
because even though i'm feeling sick,
i'm still considered luckier than other people
who might really be very sick or might have more work than me etc
so i should try to stop complaining so much
and hope that i'll be better by tomorrow. :)

oh well.

i'll try to jiayou! (=

helloooo(:

okayy.its now 9th sept.
end of my birthday
and now i'm a 19 year old girl (=

everytime when birthdays end,
i can't help but feel a little lost and empty
but then i'll start to recap about how my birthday went
and it will just bring a smile back to my face(=
so here, it'll be a recap of today
so next time when i read this post,
i'll be smiling once again xD

anyway, the well wishes from everyone that flooded my fb, phone etc
really really touched my heart
and i truly deeply appreciate every single one of them :D
the effort behind it is all that matters
so once again, THANK YOU.

and today, i finally had my own cake cutting celebration :D
it really meant quite alot to me because dunno why,
although i joined in many similar celebrations for friends,
i never seem to get a chance to experience it because my birthday either falls in holidays
or exam periods T.T
so today, when i experienced it,
it was super heartwarming (=

although the original surprise was sort of disrupted by the heavy rain,
everything still went well(=
i totally din expect anything until brandon surprised me by meeting me at tiong bahru(:
with the cake and we cabbed to school to meet the others x)
really touched by those who turned up
brandon, xiaoxi, wanyi,melissa,muu,valerie,jieli,jiangang,weiwen,vincent,shihao,yuanhao and ewen(: especially some who came earlier specially for me or even skipped a part of lecture cuz of me, it really meant alot to me haha:D
so yup the birthday song and everything - really made me very happy(:
and i also laughed alot ;)
haha im a happy girl ^.^
and after that brandon accompanied me to lib to print notes and then back to LT9 for social work lecture(:
ohh and the letter given by jasmine was REALLY REALLY touching(:
thanks loads girl :D <3 appreciate it!
lectures were okayokay(: and after that went home with rebecca and chenying(:
thanks chenying for the post card and the toy (=
had dinner with my family after that (:
the morning cutting cake celebration was good too(:
another quan jia fu aha(:
the atmosphere was good and yeaa(:
although im feeling rather tired now, but everything was worth it (:

now that i'm 19 years old,
its really time i should grow up
and learn how to improve myself and get rid of my flaws if possible =/
im going to be more hardworking, less lazy
and more optimistic and strong(:
and i'm going to bring more happiness to pple whom i treasure
especially pple close to me:D

lets all jiayou together!(:

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