hello.(:

it's been raining and raining and raining for the whole of today!
i'm glad i was at home most of the time(:

feelings about feelings- i'm irritated at feeling irritated.

have you ever had the feeling of so much negative feelings overpowering you all at once?
it's as if there was a whole pile of pent up emotions stored within you
and ready to explode at the simplest touch- dangerously reactive.
and yet you know that you can't allow it to explode so you swallow it , so you hide it,
and so you struggle and end up feeling super irritated and worse.

you know that it'll be fine in the end so you try ways and means to get rid of that negativity in you. you listen to songs, concentrate on doing other stuff, play games etc and slowly that negativity dissipates naturally(:

but unfortunately, it's not permanent and the whole vicious cycle repeats itself again...
and the worse part is that you know.. but you cannot control it.

the irony of things in life.

oh well, jiayou pple(:

hello!

the weekends are here(:
thankfully... because i feel somewhat tired ,
even though I have been sleeping early for the past few days.

Was really glad I went for the SSWS welcome tea(:
not only did i get to see geraldine, i think i grew closer to some of my social work friends and made more new social work friends. (:
sometimes, not having any people around me( my circle of friends) who's really passionate about social work makes me further appreciate the friends I'm making who are majoring in social work. (:

oh and btw i joined SSWS. well, probably because I haven't got any CCA yet. But, then again, sometimes I feel that I've spent my cca life in dunman high getting stuck in CCAs that I don't have any prior passion in. Well, perhaps CSC wouldn't count? But then again, there are parts of CSC that I don't really enjoy too. So, maybe now, I should really put the focus of my uni life on social work. True, there might be things that I want to try but I guess I shan't go and force myself to really join things for the sake of joining. I'll just let fate take me where I'm supposed to go. (:

when i study social work, i somehow feel more eager for knowledge , which is why i ask more questions, and yet more stressed because of certain expectations towards myself. But,this is an indicator that I'm really learning what I want to learn. (:

if there's one thing in life that I keep forgetting nowadays
it's how to be content and appreciative of life.

Everyone has some secret cravings inside him/her, or so i believe.
Sometimes, it's these subconscious cravings that frustrate me.

sometimes i wonder if i really accept and like myself fully for who i am and what i am.

afterall. it's not very easy to accept someone with so many flaws.

but i'll try.

Anyway, reflective thoughts aside!

The past 2 days have been tiring indeed! My mondays and tuesdays are the worst two days of the week in terms of the hours I have to stay in school and everytime i'm so thankful for wednesday because it feels like I can take a breather. But, mondays and tuesdays are also thankfully bearable because I spent most of them with you <3 Oh well,and at least I have a free day.

Social work lessons have been getting interesting because they really start teaching you about the helping process between a social worker and the client, unlike SW1101E whereby they just give you a general outline about social work and the different groups of clients. But, i must make sure I maintain a balance between social work modules and my other 2 modules.=/

I felt quite thankful yesterday. Because somehow fate brought people to me. Throughout my whole time in school, at times when I thought I'll be alone , somehow I always bump into people that I know or it's just that my timings for doing certain things were just nice. (: It's not that I'm scared to be alone, I'm fine being alone- afterall I study best alone or just with one or two people- but the feeling of meeting people you know after you never seen them for so long and they stop to either talk to you or accompany you just makes you smile and feel lucky and thankful(=

I know it's probably a small thing but it still means alot to me. I mean, it's these things in life that I feel that I must treasure well. If I miss out appreciating all these small things, life might seem pretty dull and meaningless to me. Besides, i admit i'm secretly a rather insecure person, therefore I need these sources of comfort.

okayyyyyy end of post (=

random thoughts:

it's funny how at times you really wished someone could fully understand you
and yet this can never happen , because everyone is ultimately, different.

it's funny how at times you feel sad and when someone asks why for the reason,
you're at a loss of words.

it's funny how minor things affect you so greatly and yet, major things don't really affect you at all.

it's funny how you can feel so happy at one moment and then sad at another moment- mood swings - that's what it is called.

sometimes, things are just simply the way they are.
There's no need to find out why things aren't the way you want them to be.

and yet, we always want to get to the bottom of things.

are we creating trouble for ourselves? or are we really trying to become more intellectual know-it-all beings?

i suddenly realised kembangan is a rather nice place. (:

Especially on evenings.
You see children playing at the playground, people jogging, old couples just sitting down and stoning, people rushing home from work and when you look up,
you see the great wide sky staring at you and the wind blowing in your face, refreshing you.
Peaceful- that's the word. (: Sometimes, in the midst of all the stress and bustling noises of busy life, taking a step back , you feel peaceful because you know you're living life.

Social work is starting to get overwhelming.
So much readings to do, assignments to do etc
Now i see why passion is really necessary. Lucky i have passion.(:
It's quite amazing what interest and passion can do to you.
Instead of dwelling sadly in the fact that social work is overwhelming,
i see this as a very good challenge for myself.
Because I know that all the hard work and effort that im putting in now will reap rewards in the future and benefit whoever that i'll be helping in the future.
This thought makes me want to just try a little harder. (: Step by step, bit by bit, i will continue.

I was pondering over an interesting issue today.
Recently, I learnt about the Johari Window, whereby it shows how there are 4 parts to a person.
A part that both the person and others know, a part that only the person knows but others don't know, a part that others know and the person doesn't and lastly, a part that both the person and others don't know.
The part that only the person knows but others don't know refers to the hidden self of the person, beneath how he/she portrays herself to others.
Is it wrong to hide a part of ourself to others? Do we really consider people who have another self beneath what they portray to others as hypocrites or not genuine to who they are?

I don't think so.
Maybe I would think so straightaway if I was asked this question and forced to give an immediate reply.
Yet, upon scrutiny, I don't think that people who hide certain parts of themselves away from others are not genuine. The front that you have , that you show people , is not indicative of a mask. This means that the part of you that you show to people is a real and true definite part of your character. Contradictions can occur in our character because we are so complex by nature. For example, someone can possess both happy-go-lucky and depressed natures. Even the happiest person has his/her down moments. Because there are many facets of our character, we determine and choose the image we want to show, the part of us that we are comfortable with showing others. (: So, we don't put on a mask.

Putting on a mask refers to people who really pretend to be someone that they don't mean to be, or someone that they are imitating. I think the authenticity comes from the heart. If you're happy the way you are to some people as that part of you, then you are true to yourself and the people whom you're interacting with. In that sense, if we were to criticse everyone for hiding some part of themselves, we all have to call ourselves hypocrites. Perhaps a redefinition and some reflection might be necessary(:

I like thinking about such stuff because it enables me to see things in a new perspective
and not be so judgemental and quickly jump to conclusions about some issues.

Finally, one last phrase- Contentment brings about happiness. (:

Each and every one of us is so different. Comparison , though inevitable , is unfair. By comparing ourselves to others, we are lowering our self-worth, we are doubting ourselves and we are starting to not accept ourselves as who we are. When people compare us with others, take a look at these people. Who are they to compare you with others and what good do they get doing so? People true to you do not compare you with others because they accept you for who you are. If we must want to compare, we should compare ourselves with who we are through time. We see how we have grown, matured and thought. That brings more meaning to life. (:

Doesn't it?(:

morning (=

it's sunday and i still haven't done any productive stuff. Must start working hard today!

Anyway, went for Miss Chin( now known as Mrs Chan)'s wedding yesterday!
She's my primary school CCA teacher and it's still quite amazing how we're still keeping in touch even up till now, when I'm in university.
I still remember the fond memories of working with her for Drama Club(=
In addition, she has always been coming to support my performances during the time when I was in Dunman High.
I'm really glad I made the decision to go for her wedding yesterday because seeing how happy she and her husband looked, I really felt touched and happy for the both of them (=
And she told me I'm the ONLY ex-student she invited! (: That means quite alot to me because this shows that I mean quite alot to her, among all her years of teaching so many students.
Again, luckily I turned up in the end.

At first, I hesitated about going. Because the venue was at Bukit Panjang
( so far away!) and I felt somewhat lazy at going.
But, luckily I asked for advice and I think the advice jasmine gave me helped me make up my mind. Since I promised her I would go, I should go.
Besides, weddings are a once in a lifetime thing, as what brandon ang said , and I 'm sure this wedding meant alot to her.
If I know something means alot to a person that means alot to me,
I know I must go and do that something. (=

My moral values got reaffirmed again yesterday.
Luckily I did not succumb to my laziness and decided to go to the wedding.(:
She saw me and although she didn't talk, from the smile on her face, I knew she appreciated my presence. And for that, I'm comforted and glad.

Sometimes in life, we'll face times whereby we have to choose between two choices.
(Actually, this kind of always happens in life.)
And i guess one thing that we must always bear in mind is that
we must stick to our moral principles when making those choices and at times,
we must consider the feelings of others, because making choices is not only always about ourselves.

(=

hello.(:

the weekends are here!

well, i had no lessons today so I basically slacked the whole day away. Now to think of it, it was not very wise of me to do so. But, oh well, what's done cannot be undone. At least, it is only the first wIeek of school.(:

it's been a busy week. Okayy, maybe not that busy. But definitely a change from the usual holiay lifestyle. Everything's still pretty much okay(=
(I'm tired so i don't feel like blogging everything about the first week of sem 2.)

sometimes, i feel like i have SO MUCH to say
and yet when i really start thinking through what i have to say,
i realise i have nothing to say, because i'm just too tired to say anything.sighh.
sometimes, i feel like having something and yet when i think it through properly, something just holds me back. the power of laziness :[

haha this is such a nonsensical post- sorry for wasting your time :D

the next post shall be better(=

goodnight.

hello(:
it's the last day of holidays!
Due to the wonderful memories i had the past few days, I feel like I have really enjoyed myself and hence, i am happy and satisfied with the end of holidays.


Wed- COT outing!!! (=

went to 15 minutes, a place that XX recommended- quite a good recommendation!! (=
ate, took photos and most importantly, talked <3>




left halfway for my tuition(: speaking of which, i must thank brandon ang for being so sweet (: for sending me for my tuition despite the heavy rain, despite being drenched and having to go home and change and yet still willing to come out to fetch me after tuition even though it was still raining (=





Thur- JB outing!!! (:
one day trip to JB plus it was my FIRST time to JB :)
good company + good food = enjoyable day :D
ohh i tried A&W for the first time- nice! :D
despite the rainy weather, a screwed up taxi meter (mainly),
it was a very memorable day (= (=


Fri- BAKING session :D
had a baking session with jeanine! baked strawberry white choc muffins :D:D
think it turned out quite well (=
and i really enjoyed myself =p
it's been 7 years since i've had this gan ma:D and big sisterly figure
and i'm really glad we are just as close as ever (=


last episode of Breakout! very very nice drama :)
and after watching , i realised the moral of the whole story is that
one should not be preoccupied with matters such as revenge, fame ,fortune etc
because in life lies more beautiful things, such as admiring the sunset and being contented with everytihng you have and staying happy :D
meaningful indeed:D


Sat- 4th Monthsary!<3
i was in charge of planning the itinery:D:D
firstly , i gave brandon ang the muffins that i baked with jeanine yday:)
and then we went to "with a pinch of salt" restaurant and had dessert at ice cream kafe after that:) afterwhich i brought him to this art exhibition to help fufil someone's dream - to have a meaningful 4th monthsary (= we caught the season of the witch movie and i popped by 6c12 clas gathering(= great to see everyone again :D:D


Sun- basically SLACKED at home:D but i still did stuff la:D
just ended my call with godbro too(=

a very descriptive post but it's to remind myself about how i spent the last week of my hols in future(=

i'm looking forward to the week ahead!

jiayou lyon! (=

hello(:

i can't get to sleep so i've decided to blog!

Today was quite a good day (= I like having the whole house to myself. Because it means freedom. Freedom to do whatever I want. Freedom to take my own sweet time with things. Just plain, old, freedom. I always liked freedom. No restrictions and restraints. But of course, freedom comes with consequences. So i've managed to seek freedom in the most pure and innocent form. For example, drawing. Why do I like to draw? Why do I like to design ? Because I crave the freedom in expressing my own creativity , in deciding the colours, deciding what to add in , deciding on everything that I have to, in order to present a piece of artwork worthy of my capability and derive personal satisfaction. (= This is an example of freedom in its most pure and innocent form. One that doesn't bring about consequences.

One unlike the kind of freedom most people desire. The freedom to spend money - and thus they work hard to earn money or even do things against their conscience. The freedom to do anything they want - and hence crimes are committed , families are broken, chaos is born. A negative portrayal of freedom indeed.

Personally, the irony lies in the fact that freedom is supposedly a positive symbol. Freedom should bring about happiness. It should bring about life. It should bring about smiles. Yet, freedom without control brings about destruction.

When I am frustrated with the way things are going in my life and just feel like being free to do whatever I want, I always remind myself about the consequences of freedom. Am I willing to trade that moment of pleasure from freedom- possibly short term pleasure- for a possible long term destructive consequence? The obvious answer comes to me and the harder choice is always what I make for myself. I 'm not happy. But I know I 'll be even more unhappier if I take the easier choice.

Ahh well. Sometimes things about life can be so ironic. But, don't get me wrong. It's not being negative about life but rather, it's being reflective about life. It's about examining one's understanding about certain moral concepts from time to time and improving one's moral standard and character, so as to eventually lead a life without regrets. (:

Anyway, enough of reflective stuff. (: I met up with hamizah and we had a good nice chat!! Haven't seen her in ages! (: If there was one thing that I felt even more strongly after my meetup with her , it was that following your heart is really important. Only you know yourself the best and hence, only you can make choices for yourself. People who really care for you are people who , be it understanding why or not understanding why you make this choice, still accept and support you all the way. (: Something I need to emulate and remind myself to do for the people in my life.

Tuition afterwards and an unexpected meetup with brandon for dinner(: After that an MSN chat with my godbro and watching channel 8 drama with my mum. For today, I think I'm quite a happy girl. (=

School's reopening in less than a week. Well, but if there's something different about uni and normal school, it's that I don't feel the pressure that reopening of school always gives me. Perhaps, it's still there but just that it's lessened. Perhaps it's always been there, but just that I've matured. Well, but no matter what it is, one thing about uni education that I enjoy the most is that I'm studying what I have always wanted to study: social work. That should be enough to cheer me up.
(=

Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm sure of it. (=

smile(:

happy new year! =)

it's 2011! A brand new year for everyone!

I feel very lucky. Because I spent most of the last day of 2010 and the first day of 2011 as a very happy girl. (=

Had YLF outing on 31st december at the NEX ! i haven't seen them for quite long la! They're a group of people whom i treasure so very much because they feel just like a second family to me. (= All the usual chatting , niaoing( of Alv mainly) and laughing are memories that will remain very dear to me. Caught the movie " The Tourist", a rather good movie that had a surprising ending! ^^ If there was one thing that made this year's YLF outing very different - it would be that Brandon came along! (= I always feel very blessed when I see people close to me getting to know each other. Thanks dear <3 for coming along.

Oh, sidetrack abit- I felt very blessed too on thursday because my boyfriend and godbrother finally got to know each other too. (= Had alot of fun and i really treasure such memories , which remind me to be very thankful that I have people that love me alot.

Anyway, while the rest of YLF pple headed over to PY's house for countdown, me and brandon left for resort w0rld countdown! (: Brandon's father got us tickets so we just went for it. There was alot of people at vivo and at first at resort world and we spent most of our time slacking and eating. (: But I enjoyed myself tremendously because I think what's most important in spending time on special occasions is the person/people you spent with. The fireworks show was brilliant!! and it reminded me of our first time watching fireworks together long ago at marina barrage during og outing.

Headed back to PY's house after countdown ! (: We played our question game, a game that me and py and jinghuan spent time devising and creating it. Everything went well! thanks to the disgusting forfeit >< I feel like describing everything that happened and yet i cannot describe all in words because the joy and fun everyone had is really rather undescribable. (= But, I'm glad and thankful that everything turned out fine and we laughed SO MUCH. (: It's really heartwarming that despite not meeting up often and despite coming from so different backgrounds, we still have this special bond between us that makes us have fun and click well everytime we have a YLF outing. Again , this shows that true friendship doesn't have to be based on how many times you see each other but rather, how much you treasure the bond between each other.(=

The exchange of xmas gifts was good too! (: i can't wait for PY to upload all our pictures that night! :) HC came to join us and treat us to Mac breakfast! (: we ate, slacked and finally it was time to go home (: everytime its time to go home from YLF outing, there'll be some feeling of nolstagia within me and at the same time, i'll look even more forward to the next outing! :D OH and i'm happy that they liked brandon. :D

Anyway, me and Brandon went back to his house to wash up and rest before heading out to meet his friends at AMK for lunch(= We were damn tired la , even though we slept abit >< But, the food was good and his friends were very funny. (: (: Enjoyed being with them (: And Brandon sent me home after that when I had to go home. (:

In overall, what makes the end of last year and the start of this year so special is that I spent them all with Brandon Ang <3 firstly with my friends and then with his friends. Kind of meaningful too. (= Memories that I definitely want to keep and that's why I'm blogging them down.

Here's some thoughts and feelings about 2010!

2010 passed really very fast. It was a meaningful year because I tried so much new things and experienced so much, be it good or bad experiences. If I were to relive my whole 2010, I don't think I would change anything because I don't regret anything. Maybe some whole bits here and there but I'll work on them in 2011! (:

As a person, I feel that I have matured alot more in 2010. Because I've been through much more. I've broken out of the sheltered environment DHS used to give and I'm rather thankful for that. I've made new friends (= I've started uni life. (= I've seen how much I mean to some friends and they will be people whom I'll treasure all my life. So many things that I've done! But I guess what's most important - my best gift for 2010- is Brandon Ang <3 , getting a boyfriend, not just any boyfriend , but the best boyfriend I could ever get. Even though it has just merely been a few months since we were together and even before we got together, I feel that we have went through quite alot. Or rather, I made you go through quite alot. But, I'm thankful for this because you understand me the best now and I hope same goes for me and we shall only become stronger and better in this brand new year (=

I feel that 2011 is going to be such a busy year for me. With school all the way till April and then attachment all the way till July and then school all the way till November, it seems that the next time I can get a good break would be one year later. But, nvm along the way, I'll be learning alot and with people around me whom I treasure , I believe I'll still be a happy girl in 2011. (;

smile(: