Friday, December 30, 2011
6:33 PM
today, i feel like i've matured. or rather discovered that I have matured in my thinking.
i used to be quite concerned about cliques and stuff , social issues , awkwardness and things like wanting to be part of groups or trying to please everyone. but today, i realised that actually,
i was not as concerned as i used to be about some of such stuff. in fact, i kind of feel quite liberated. (=
Life is short. It's all about really living your life as happily as you can. What's important is to stay happy, make decisions you won't regret, learn to be contented and learn to cherish and appreciate. (:
Friday, December 23, 2011
9:33 AM
Hello!
I'm back from Camp Castaway! (:
It was probably the best and most awesome camp in my life so far! I guess the fact that
I was camp commandant of the camp made it super memorable. I remember the smiles on the faces of those youths , the laughter this camp brought to them, the new friendships that were forged and simply not just the fun we had, but the fact that precious life lessons and key qualities were brought out well in these youths. The qualities of confidence, resilience and self-discovery- the thought of how what they have learnt in the camp and how it can help them for their future -simply makes my heart jump for joy. (: And I am sure that it's not just me, the same goes for the rest of the Project APT committee and the facils and gamemasters - the fact that we managed to make a difference in the lives of these youths , the fact that our efforts have translated into positive growth is enough to make us feel happy and satisfied.
This camp made me see the joy of impacting young lives again. It made me see how much I really love to see people grow positively and how proud I am of them when I imagine them using these new found strengths and qualities to lead a better and more fufilling life ahead. (: Not just the youths, I guess as the planning committee, the growth in the facilitators were equally important to me- hearing them speak about their youths during debrief and seeing how surprised and gratified and touched at the youths' appreciation for them , which I guess would probably leave them with a very positive experience working with youths- makes me feel so elated for them.
I cannot help but feel really blessed and thankful. (: This whole camp really turned out to be much much better than I expected and looking back on all the previous stresses and work, I feel that everything was really worth it- the ability to know and make a difference in the lives of others is really that precious because it does not come easy but when it comes, it gives you one of the best feelings in life that you can ever experience. I guess this is pretty relevant to social work- social work is no doubt stressful, draining and there is always plenty to be done but yet we strive on because we know our purpose- we strive on because we know we want to make a difference and the knowledge that it won't be easy makes us all the more determined to strive on . (: Because at the end of the day, what we get back is really much more greater and precious than what we put in.
That is the spiritual takeaway I had from the camp. Never forget how precious the ability to make a difference is. (:
Apart from this, I gained so much more in the camp- the struggles I faced as a camp commandant - the decision-making processes and who should make the decision , the exposure and knowledge I gained, the assertiveness I gained - i felt that at the end of the day, I really did grow up and mature from this camp. I really became a more confident, resilient person that discovered more about my strengths and weaknesses and my beliefs, such as about decision making and discipline.
Some of the main points that I learnt include:
- To have more confidence in the decisions that I make. Perhaps it was because I was the youngest in the committee and hence, I felt that sometimes the decisions that I make will not be as good as my other committee members who are really experienced and wise. But, I realised that sometimes, when you need to make decisions, you just have to make decisions. Right or wrong, if no one points out anything, just let time tell and learn from it. I needed to be more rational and confident about making decisions as a leader.
- When conducting debriefs, it's good to highlight the reasons for why certain decisions were made. I also know better how to conduct different types of debriefs, short ones in between activties- the purpose of improving later on and how to conduct end of day debriefs which should be more focused on programmes and lastly , how to conduct overall debriefs at the end of everything. I learnt that I should not subconsciously let myself try to structure others' sharing during debriefs or else the purpose of debrief would be defeated- that's a weakness of being too task-oriented in wanting to get what I want to get done. I also know some techniques in conducting debriefs. I learnt to better give instructios whereby I must give holistic instructions and not miss out things. I learnt to better craft activities suitable for the ability of the youths and I had an experience on doing last min changes , luckily for the better.
there's so much more that I gained. (: but i just can't pen all down >< i also became more assertive and firm. and i also realised that sometimes, i should just be who I am , recognise myself for who I am - like how I was at first stressed about the role I was going to play- a supposedly fierce Island Queen but then slowly , even without realising it, I somehow just became a very " Lyon" Island Queen- I just crept back to who I was and it just somehow made me think about times when people just tell me to be "Lyon" - it seems that people know who I am, can recognise me for certain trademarks and characteristics and sometimes, in the midst of trying to improve myself for the better, I forget about who I was in the beginning and how precious the "me" that I am is.
haha so many learning points- there's still much more(: and all these are largely credited to the committee members with me (: each and every of them are really precious and all helped me to become a better me (:
i feel happy. (: yay.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
8:04 AM
hello :D
haha my blog deserves some updates (:
firstly, I trimmed my hair! Hmmm the end result was not really what I expected,
but you know how convincing hair-cutting aunties are when they say how your hair should
be cut to be pretty -.- I just put my trust in her and hmmmm.. maybe I won't go back to the shop again =/ haha because my hair got shorter ... i prefer my longer hair ...but on a brighter note, hair is supposed to grow faster after getting trimmed :D pleasee let my hair grow longerrrr.
secondly, i am going on exchange! yes after much consideration, I have decided to go for a 4-month exchange at University of Copenhagen in Denmark. haha. the money part is heart-wrenching and so, looking at the rate my savings are depleting so far, I have decided to launch a full-out "save-as-much-money" policy in my life from now on, till at least I feel rich enough again . but thanks to brandon ang who's always willing to offer me treats and money to make me better :D even though he doesn't have alot of money too heh. it's the thought that counts.
thirdly, I had a dental appointment that almost killed me. :( in terms of money and physically cuz of the pain. sigh and my teeth are FULLL of problems :( no more sweets and chocolates already la. unless it's that kind that I can just eat without using my teeth hahaha. I still have one or two more dental appointments to go , sad life.
fourthly, so far I'm pretty glad with how my holidays are going. (: there're times spent with people I haven't seen for so long, times for me to clench my fists and do work, times when Im so stressed over my camp participants stuff ( i still am >.<) and times when i can just SLACK without worries (; times for me to help my mum with housework and do some clearing-up and of course times spent with people so dear to me. And the holidays have not ended yet! I am going to continue savouring every bit of my hols- I still have some more meet-ups to go! (: I shall try to spend less money though.
okay there's not much left for me to really update. perhaps some ranting on how I tend to get secretly angry and irritated over things that I should not be taking it personally but rather, rationally. maybe it's a natural instinct? but still, it's not something good.
and i've been eating alot this holidays :( but nvm, i'm sure i will cut down once i start focusing on saving money.. hopefully. haha.
smile :D
Sunday, December 04, 2011
3:32 PM
Hello! (:
Procrastination kicks in AGAIN. -.-
Sometimes, when i tell people that i'm actually secretly a procrastinator,
they give me the surprised or doubtful look, probably because I look so hardworking and guai =p
Anyway, I'm feeling stressed. Yes, I know that it may sound weird because afterall, my exams are over. But, regardless of that, i'm stressed about getting in 3 youth participants for the camp that I'm planning for. Anyway, to those who are reading my blog, if you know any youth from 13-18 years old and may be free during 20-22 December, let them know that there's this fun and free camp , called Camp Castaway. And let me know if they want more details. (: It's a 3D2N camp.
I don't know why but I have always been stressed by the need to "get people", be it for participation or for whatever purposes. Is it because I feel bad about possibly "troubling" them or maybe because I fear rejection or am afriad of being "ignored" so I don't want to make the first step? Or is it because I see this kind of "numbers" as a form of accountability and responsibility and I hate to push myself to try and accomplish something that is beyond my control? I feel quite disgusted with myself and everything actually. In the future, will I be subjected to the same kind of struggle during my course of work? I secretly think so - getting people for the sake of getting people and not because I want to help them ...pressure of KPIs perhaps? I want to find a streak of hope. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic about everything. Maybe it's just my own insecurities that are making me resent this... this is not the first time I'm faced with this struggle but how come I feel it's not getting easier for me? Sigh.
