hello.
Suddenly felt like blogging. School has started and honestly, everything rocks so far(:
except for genes and society. That module sucks to the core and I hate it- the same familiar
sense of " what the hell am i doing here?" resentment when I was studying Science in secondary school- it just makes me feel so irritatedly angry yet helpless with myself, struggling to find
resentment and a streak of rebellion just to make myself feel better. Nevertheless,
it was a choice. A choice that I made, according to my own beliefs and priorities and I always
believe that we need to be responsible for our own choices. So yes, suck thumb- as the army saying goes. I'll just prepare to screw up this module and s/u it. Heck care and freak the stupid module! I'll just do my best and silently keep cursing this module in my heart. (:
So yea, what has made school awesome so far, is of course the company I have. (: The wonderful social work friends that I have - they brighten up my day and I feel really blessed having them in my life. Of course, not just social work friends, uni friends too :D And haha. basically if I start to count my blessings, I do have people in my life to be happy about. (: And oh, I got myself a scholarship. Yay!
Chinese New Year is approaching. And I don't know why but I have mixed feelings about it. Oh well, anyway recently , I feel myself swinging on the pendulum, being happy at one moment then stressed and sian at another - these ups and downs just make me so irritated. I feel alone at times, in a sense that I can't expect others to know and really understand what I need and want and so, I try to make do with just having myself for comfort and solace in this moments.
And my committments. I feel stressed. Edgar said something meaningful to me recently,
about why I should get so pressured when not everything is about me. Well, it's true , I guess, I tend to take things more personally, responsibilities especially - I guess it's a combination of me wanting to meet my own expectations as well as hoping to succeed in the purpose of whatever responsibility I am given, I'm not sure which is more dominant though. Seems that I probably don't understand myself well enough about that.
hello (:
YES i finally made a decision to take child-centric!
Tough process but I'm happy to come to a decision.
and i realised something.
sometimes, when we think others may not be comfortable with us
and would want us not to be with them, or when we think that others leave us out,
what we may be actually doing is
subconsciously creating a barrier between us and them and
leaving ourselves out ...
so yep(: let's put down our judgements about what others
may see or want of us and just have a mindset of wanting to know people better :D
hello (:
Everyone seems to be posting "New Year" posts, if you know what i mean.
Recap of 2011 and how 2012 will be like and so on. It's really interesting for me , personally,
to read such posts because I see how my friends grow stronger and better.
Normally, that's the case. I haven't seen any negative examples so far.
Just about 15 minutes ago, I was extremely frustrated, irritated and angry.
About the lowest minimum bid for MNO. Someone told me it was 1. And
I believed it and didn't bother to go and verify personally. Now, I realise it's 350
and after yesterday's damn expensive module, I only have 243 points.
Which means I probably might not get MNO if it suddenly becomes as popular as it was
last semester. This kind of sucks because I was actually quite looking forward to studying MNO
and I had everything planned out already. :(
Surprisingly, after reading someone's new year post, I feel better now.
It reminded me of how I always believed in fate and destiny. How I always felt that
what's meant to be will be and sometimes, we should just lead life as how life leads us to lead it.
Whether I'll get MNO or not is really a question of whether I'll be lucky. I hope I will.
But, what if I'm not? Then, I 'll just have to curse and swear, feel sore about it and then,
find a way to make up for it and move on. Theoretically, it's so simple. But, when the process comes, it kind of sucks.
I guess that's how life is. We hope for everything to go according to what we want.
We hope for things to go smoothly. On my part, I like to plan. I like to plan about my future,
plan about things that matter to me, such as grades and finances.
Sometimes, planning gives me a sense of satisfaction. It's as though I'm doing something
for my future. I'm not just a slacker , living day to day, with no ultimate aim or goal in my life.
Planning makes me feel that I'm actually more prepared for life, for the different uncertainties.
Yet, the ironic thing is that planning makes life tiring and potentially more heartbreaking and stressful. Why? Because if things don't go according to plan ( when there's a plan), that means
disappointment , sadness and even resentment. And so, as what someone told me before,
just live life in the moment. What's the point of planning when you know that you can never fully control and steer your life according to plan?
So how? We can only try to strike a balance. Plan but get mentally prepared that your plans may fall through. When they fall through, plan again.
I still believe some form of planning is necessary. No planning just doesn't strike me as being
responsible for the future. If we don't plan just because we don't want to face disappointment, resentment and sadness, that's a normatively cowardly action because while every human being can understand this logic, we shouldn't be daunted by it because life will somehow make us experience these emotions.
But, anyway, back to my MNO. I feel scared that I cannot get the module and then,
there'll be the hassle of trying to get another module, which could be potentially really bad.
But then , maybe all these, if they happen, they happen for a reason.
Perhaps I shouldn't be too hard on myself about my plans coming true. Afterall,
as ominous as this may sound, I could die anytime because of anything.
And hence, what's important is to stay happy.
